- The school year is almost over — one week and a half left. Am I even ready for summer??? It’s wild how I almost didn’t make it to the end of my eight year in education — you all knew I almost became a 911 dispatcher, right? And yet somehow, miraculously, here I am, with a solid day job where I feel appreciated yet chill, still meaningfully engaging with the world and maybe even making a little bit of a difference some days, while also providing for my family. Year Eight: yet another magnificent stretch!
- Still working on the outline for my next book. Am deliberately practicing courage right now by sharing that with you all 🙂 I am loving the process of really fleshing out that scene-by-scene before I get writing. Just finessing and massaging it at this point, working out the kinks. Sharing it with my most trusted pre-reader/brainstorm partner, my husband. Now also, sharing with his colleague/our daily carpooling partner as we navigate the traffic on our way downtown and back. Hurray for productive commutes! Not gonna lie, I felt a tiny bit of trepidation this morning, as I got ready to watch my weird story-to-be get experienced through the heart of a non-writer friend, a lay reader. Whenever something scares me, I treat it as a signal to do that thing immediately.
- So much personal growth, my friends. One big thing/discovery: the courage to love both myself and others, without being worried about their reactions or behaviors, like at all. Still working on that, but making leaps this month, for sure. Whatever other people have going on, it takes courage to not let that change or affect my normal reactions to them or my love for them. Instead of diminishing or weakening me, I am realizing that the unconditionality is actually freeing and uplifting. (Important note: offering people unconditional love does not mean giving up boundaries! Still working that out, as well.)
- Looking back to move forward. With the help of my spiritual coach, I’ve revisted my experience publishing my first novel, Castle of Concrete. It is true that I’ve grown as a person and a writer since that book came out four years ago. God, 2019: a wholly different world, right? Some of the industry reviews back then had hit me harder than I’d allowed myself to properly process and realize. It took me some distance to see my first story again. It took randomly opening an ARC copy yesterday morning and reading a few lines, and being like, oh, okay, wow. It took re-reading some lay reader reviews to realize that though I can probably do even better today, Castle of Concrete was a good book. Castle made some people cry. It made some furiously turn pages. It surprised and frustrated the readers — some readers — in just the right ways. And yes, full disclosure: it bored some. It alienated and confused some. Every reader’s reaction is 100 percent valid to me. I love honest lay reader reviews, good, bad and anything in between: nothing like learning about other human’s authentic experience in the world I have created. And yes, professional critics are readers, too — wild, I know! — readers with views that are also valid, and not just when their reviews are glowing. I think I just needed to learn to embrace the variety of reactions, and to understand that just as some people are going to vibe with me in my personal life, and others not as much and that’s totally perfect, no one reader’s experience can be the verdict on the totality of my story’s impact. Having sat with all that and having processed that journey better, I was able to remember the excitement of the launch, the thrill and gratitude of the readers, and the power of my words and ideas. Now I can say I am truly and sincerely thankful for my first book. Castle and I, we had some good times together.
- In other news, I have named my inner critic. Everyone, please meet Auntie Motya. She means well. Even when she is misguided, mean, nitpicky, forever worried, and judgemental as hell. Auntie, no need to be shy. Come out and get used to that spotlight. You have been exposed!
- Writing this wee lil blog post was oddly hard. No, not oddly. It was all about courage, wasn’t it? The courage to share my processes and my revelations, my struggles and my victories, it’s the courage to share my humanity with my friends. I thank you so much for reading and for rooting for me. Love, Katia
Katiaesque 
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